I'm so tired. I'm working two jobs right now, and school starts next Wednesday (booh.) I feel like such a failure, I was doing so well at not eating and just having fluids. I went from 120 to about 107-109 depending on the day, but it's been like that for about a week because I keep fucking cheating! I'm such an idiot, and today I really fucking cracked, I had like four pieces of pizza (what the fuck was I thinking!?!) I don't know, I was at work and they bought us food, and all of a sudden I just started eating, and I was hating myself the whole time, but once I took that first bite I couldn't stop. I wish I could purge, but I'm no good at it for some reason. I just took three laxatives, so that should clear me out by tomorrow morning. But I'm NEVER going to keep losing weight if I don't get my fucking act together. God, it was so gross. Since I've been losing weight, my stomache was protruding just a smidge because I had eaten and I wanted to fucking die when I looked at myself in the mirror. I just need to be strong, I have to stay focused. It should be easier when school starts, I won't have time to stop and eat, so I can just drink juice in the morning and the evening. Booh, this sux. I wonder if that hoodia stuff works as well as everybody claims?

Man, I can't believe it's already a new year. I've hardly had time to notice working two jobs every day. Dammit, and school starts on the tenth! UUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHH! I'm very proud of myself though, I've lost ten pounds over the break, down to about 109 or 110. I'm a little worried though, I've been taking laxatives whenever I eat a big meal (i've had to a few times with both my brother being in town, and my dad being around more often to actually see me eat or not eat,) but after I took some last night, nothing happened this morning. I wonder, can your body actually get used to laxatives, making their effects wear off? I took some the other day and they worked, but nothing's happened so far. I'm thinking maybe I should try to find something stronger, but I'm using Correctol ( or the off brand of it, I'm not sure.) I don't know if there are stronger laxatives, I guess I'll have to research it. Booh, more work for me. I am determined to get to my goal weight (100 pounds) before this summer, which shouldn't be too difficult at the rate I'm going, but I've been such a fat ass lately, binging on chocolate and sweets. I have to make it a resolution to stick to my not eating, which I'm usually pretty good about, but every so often I slip up a bit. I hate myself for that, sometimes I feel so pathetic that I'm too weak to fight a craving, it's ridiculous really. Hope everyone is having a great new year!

It's been a little over a week, and I've done so well! I actually lost about four pounds, weighing myself in at 116 the other night. It's not great, but I've kept to my strict liquid diet. It sux this time of year, all my family members flights have been delayed or cancelled, so I have to schedual around it all, and I just started a second job! To top it all off, there's no snow, and there hasn't been all season. This makes for a pretty depressing season thusfar, but hopefully it will only get better. I wonder if that Hoodia stuff works pretty well, I've been disciplined enough, but Christmas dinner could prove to suck ASS with my family around!

It has been a day. I'm so glad all my finals are done. Some of my classes I think I just barely passed, but hey, they're USPs (university required) so as long as I get em' on my belt, I don't care. I feel so disgusting, I swear, I feel like I've eaten enough to feed an entire third world country (not literally, but you get the idea.) Any tips to cut cravings, cus I could sure use some right about now! *DAMNABLE HOLIDAY SEASON AND YOUR FATTENING YUMMY GOODNESS!*